Maybe It's Ok

I think it is safe to say I have been sucking at life for the past few weeks. A couple days ago I was thinking about how selfish I am and beating myself up in general, when I had a neat thought. God knows how much I suck right now. What if He isn't shaking His Holy head at me, but rather doing something in my life that I can't see. I remember this one year I sucked at life all 365 days. I know you are thinking, "Surely not, Ashley must be exaggerating again." But it's true. It was the year I worked at the Bank doing Mortgage loans and going to night school while living with my parents. My times with the Lord weren't consistent, my prayer life had gone to pot, every friend my age had gone to college in distant lands like Mississippi, and I was living for everyone else's approval. I would have never believed you if you'd told me, but God was very present in my life and utter sucky-ness that year. I think there are eternal ramifications of those tweleve months I may never understand this side eternity, but I know in a vauge and cloudy sort of way that God used that time to change my character. So I'm hopeful. Maybe this is another one of those times.